Happy Valentine’s Day, Angels! If your feed is anything like mine, you’ve been seeing a lot of ads lately for a “cool girl” take on Valentine’s. InStyle wants me to read The Cool Girl Guide to Valentine's Day Outfits and the New York Post wants me to Shop the cool girl’s guide to Valentine’s Day jewelry. I guess it makes sense to me that Valentine’s Day is in need of a hip, disaffected rebrand: what could be cheesier than little naked cherubs and red roses?

This week for STAR⟡MAIL, writer Anna Pompilio takes a closer look at the influencer persona du jour: The Cool Girl.

Has Cool Become Too ‘Cold?’

Writer Anna Pompilio takes a closer look at the influencer persona du jour.

“Cool Girl must-haves.” 

“Cool Girl essentials.”

“What Cool Girls are wearing this fall.” 

“The Cool Girl checklist.” 

“Cool Girl items every woman should own.” 

There’s a Cool Girl monologue that’s been passed around the Internet for years. You know the one. Its thesis being, to be desirable you must be both aspirational and hot. Despite its criticism it still acts as an unofficial blueprint online, a roadmap for achieving peak, desirable indifference. Aspirational detachment. 

After all, nonchalance is the romance language of the Internet. A language that yields likes, views, attention from other it-figures, and general reward. But what does that render us in real life? 

Women are always put in the position of chasing. Chasing youth, the next size down, the next career step up, the new beauty standard or micro-trend. Once these things are attained (because they often are— women, above most else, are capable achievers) there’s something new to run toward. The race starts again. 

Fashion has double-clicked on so many micro-trends in recent years I’d argue it’s rendered the term “trend” entirely useless. Clean Girl Aesthetic: literally cool, gray-toned neutrals showcasing how easy it is to be “well,” thin, with perfect skin and an always clean and decluttered apartment. It’s not the only one. Quiet luxury, office siren, even Brat-thetics and mob wives. It exists on a spectrum, but at the root it’s about the aspirational, nonplussed attitude. The fashion isn’t just about what you wear, it’s the attitude that acts as an accessory. 

Even beauty has taken a turn for the cool, MACs newest (nostalgia-driven) release. The aesthetic characterized by always-aspirational Cool Girls like Gabbriette, but the trend tides are once again shifting. Or at the very least, bringing a new Girl into the fold. 

The Warm Girl. 

What is the Warm Girl? Great question. How does the Warm Girl diverge from the Cool Girl we’ve grown so familiar and perhaps so weary of? Does she diverge? Warm Girls vibrance is two-fold, it comes from their penchant toward louder colors, patterns, aesthetic diversity and saturation but even bigger, it comes from their approachability. To contextualize, the fisherman-chic, the grandpa-core, the cozy girls. In a world of unbothered aspiration, warm girls bring “chalance” to the mix. 

🚨 But the warm girls and the cool girls aren’t adversaries

The unbothered Cool Girls don’t rise above the sometimes bothered, affected Warm Girls. To be warm isn’t to be overly sensitive, too loud, or whatever. These are not either/or options. It’s not a conversation of cool vs uncool, the opposite of cool after all, is warm. 

This creator gives a visual breakdown clearer than most paragraphs I could write. 

In short, she says that traditional definitions of cool don’t work for anyone. “Cool” kids are often depicted as mean or shallow and “uncool” kids as outcasts or losers. No one wins. Instead, all of us exist on a worthiness spectrum with different strengths that flex across the Cools and Warms. Great. 

What I find most interesting about the dawn of the Warm Girl, beyond a shared love of bold colors, patterns, kitsch, and lived-in quirk, is that at its core it’s a move toward sincerity. It starts to poke at the word “aspirational” and how it’s been defined. For all the Cool Girl short lists, must-haves, and it-girls the Warm Girls start to elevate the coolest, normal girl you know. Your stylish best friend, your partners big sister, the Warm Girl elevates you. The dogged chase for aspirational definitions of hot, exciting, and attention-worthy have tiptoed their way into something incredible: attainability. That never-ending chase? Warm Girls encourage you to walk, don’t run. 

The theory behind the micro-trend

In the micro-trend laden lexicon, we’ve seen various words strung together, collaged to create some loose form of identity. It’s not shocking that a movement toward sincerity, reality, and (forgive the word) authenticity would use the same conventions. It’s how things catch on, become popular, and evolve. Cool Girl or Warm Girl, you likely flex between the two depending on your mood and inspiration. Not to brag, but I like to think my current closet (and mindset?) spans both. What a gift! 

If you’re looking for a Valentine’s Day movie that passes the “not cheesy” threshold, I’ve put together this Letterboxd list of, dare I say, Cool Girl Rom Coms: